The Worst Dating App Match That Saved My Life

I always thought online dating was a waste of time or kind of a game. The first time I tried it, I was sitting at The Brook Restaurant, a local Tulsa restaurant you should definitely try, with my son and daughter, scrolling through profiles and laughing at the ridiculous "about me" sections. It was all in good fun, never something I took seriously.

But life has a way of rewriting our stories in ways we never expect.

When Your Whole World Shatters

After losing my son, Tyler, in late 2019, I found myself standing in the middle of a life that suddenly looked unrecognizable. The days blurred together, and even simple things like eating or getting dressed felt impossible. My daughter had lost her brother. My parents had lost their grandson, who was more like a son to them and SO unexpected. Our world was shattered.

I had Tyler when I was just fourteen. We grew up together. My whole life had been built around him—every dream, every plan, every heartbeat of my purpose. He wasn't just my son; he was my best friend, my greatest teacher, and the steady rhythm of my soul. Losing him felt like losing half of myself.

My closest friends could see that I was drowning, though no one really knew how to help. I'd always been the cheerleader of our group, the one with the words of encouragement and now I had none left. One friend suggested that maybe I just needed a distraction. "Do something new," she said. "You need to eat again. Maybe try online dating. At least it'll get you out of the house."

So, reluctantly, I did.

The Match I Almost Ignored

That's how I met a man who turned out to be the only paid employee of a small Tulsa nonprofit called Food On The Move. During our first conversation, he mentioned that they worked closely with the Food Bank of Eastern Oklahoma.

I didn't tell him about Tyler. I didn't tell him that my son had worked at that very food bank just six months earlier, managing fresh produce deliveries for families in need. I didn't tell him that I could barely drive past that building without feeling my heart cave in.

He had no idea what was happening inside me.

Then he asked a simple question: "Would you ever want to come serve with us?"

Without hesitation, I said yes.

That "yes" changed everything.

Showing Up When Everything Else Fell Apart

I started volunteering in February 2020, not realizing I was stepping into a place that would start to heal me from the inside out. Just a few weeks later, COVID hit and the world shut down. But for me, it was almost a strange relief. My world had already stopped turning. Everyone else was suddenly forced to slow down, to pause and for the first time, I didn't feel so out of sync.

While many volunteers understandably stopped serving because of safety concerns, I didn't care about the risk. I was already broken; I wasn't afraid of dying. So I kept showing up.

There were only about seven of us then—one staff member and six volunteers—loading boxes of food into the back of Tyler's old truck. We went door-to-door, delivering meals to families who couldn't leave their homes. It was simple, exhausting, and sacred. And somehow, through serving others, I started to come alive again.

No one there knew my story. No one knew that the truck we were using had belonged to my son or that every house we visited was a small step toward finding myself again.

Why Broken People Make the Best Volunteers

"...it mended my soul in ways I never expected."

I wish I could tell you that volunteering fixed everything overnight, but healing doesn't work that way. What I can tell you is that it mended my soul in ways I never expected.

It gave me a reason to get out of bed. On the mornings when grief felt too heavy to carry, knowing that someone was counting on me to show up made all the difference. I couldn't always do things for myself, but I could do them for someone else.

It reminded me I still had something to give. When you lose someone who was your entire world, you feel emptied out, like you have nothing left to offer. But every box of food I loaded, every doorstep I stood on, every grateful smile I received reminded me that I wasn't useless. I still mattered. My hands could still help. My presence could still make a difference.

It connected me to humanity again. Grief is isolating. It builds walls between you and everyone else because no one truly understands your pain. But when you serve alongside others, when you meet families who are struggling in their own ways, those walls start to crumble. You realize you're not alone in suffering. And somehow, being part of something bigger than your own pain makes the pain more bearable.

It honored Tyler's legacy. My son spent his time feeding people, and now I was doing the same. Every delivery felt like a tribute to him, a way of keeping his heart beating through my hands. It didn't bring him back, but it kept him close.

Volunteering didn't erase my grief. It gave me a place to put it. It gave me purpose when I had none. It gave me community when I felt utterly alone. And slowly, gently, it gave me permission to feel joy again without guilt.

Volunteering didn't erase my grief. It gave me a place to put it. It gave me purpose when I had none. It gave me community when I felt utterly alone. And slowly, gently, it gave me permission to feel joy again without guilt.

The Organizations Making a Difference

About Food On The Move

Founded by musician and activist Taylor Hanson, Food On The Move is a Tulsa-based nonprofit working to eliminate food deserts and build stronger, healthier communities. They partner with the Food Bank of Eastern Oklahoma and other local organizations to provide free mobile food distributions, community meals, and fresh produce to families across the city.

In 2023 alone, Food On The Move distributed more than 1.5 million pounds of food and engaged thousands of volunteers in their mission to make healthy food accessible to all.

About the Food Bank of Eastern Oklahoma

The Food Bank of Eastern Oklahoma, where Tyler once worked, is the heart of hunger relief across our region. Last year they distributed more than 29 million pounds of food, serving nearly 25 million meals to families across 24 counties in Eastern Oklahoma. Their commitment to collaboration and innovation continues to inspire organizations like Food On The Move to expand their reach and impact.

What You're Really Asking When You Want to Volunteer

I'm interested in volunteering, but I'm nervous about starting. What should I expect?

I remember that nervousness. Here's what I wish someone had told me: you don't have to have it all together to serve. You don't need special skills or training. You just need to show up. Most volunteer opportunities will pair you with experienced volunteers or staff who will guide you through everything. And honestly? The people you serve alongside will become some of your greatest sources of support. Start small if you need to—even a couple hours can make a difference, both for others and for yourself.

How do I find the right volunteer opportunity when I'm going through something difficult?

Look for something hands-on and repetitive, something that doesn't require you to talk about your feelings if you're not ready. Packing boxes, sorting donations, delivering meals—these tasks let you be present without having to explain your pain. I also recommend finding a cause that resonates personally with you. For me, it was food security because of Tyler's connection to it. That personal thread made the work feel meaningful even when I was too numb to feel much else.

What if I start volunteering and realize I'm not ready or it's too much?

Then you stop, and that's okay. Healing isn't linear, and neither is service. There were days I showed up and cried in the parking lot before going home. There were weeks I had to step back. Good organizations understand that volunteers are human beings with their own struggles. The goal isn't to add more pressure to your life—it's to create space for healing. Be honest with yourself and with the organization about what you can handle, and don't be afraid to adjust as you go.

What I Found When I Stopped Looking

I started volunteering for a distraction and something to fill my emptiness, but I kept volunteering because it gave me purpose. Through service, I rediscovered joy, connection, and faith.

I went looking for distraction and found direction.
I went looking for healing and found hope.
And I went looking for love and found purpose.

If you're walking through something heavy, find a way to serve. Because sometimes the best way to heal your own heart is to help feed someone else's.

To learn more or get involved:
💜 Food On The Move – foodonthemoveok.com
💜 Food Bank of Eastern Oklahoma – okfoodbank.org